Asking For Help Made Easier
Setting You Up For Success Without Stress
Be heard and understood - hear and understand
Sometimes all the help we need, is a moment of someone else’s time where they truly listen and we feel truly heard and understood. The right kind of listening can settle our state, organise our thoughts and enable us to communicate with clarity and confidence what has changed and or what needs to change. Other times no matter how much or well someone else’s listens if we don’t hear and understand ourselves we can still feel very alone.
Listening requires both time and skill and it is so much more than ‘just’ being quiet. Yes sometimes we do need someone to ‘just’ listen, to hold the space and bear witness and honour our experience as just that, our experience. And yet other times their presence alone is not enough. No comment, questions or gestures can leave us feeling alone and like we are talking to ourselves.
Sometimes we really appreciate a carefully framed questions and other times questions can feel challenging and confronting.
Sometimes we need feedback and other times feedback can add to our overwhelm and give us more to think about.
Sometimes we need to hear what someone else thinks and other times when they share their perspective it can leave us feeling unheard.
And the problem is that most of start talking without really knowing what kind of listening we need which means we cannot set our colleagues, friends and family up for success. When they make an educated guess or follow their own patterns and preferences sometimes it might work and other times it might not.
And the first step to asking for help is gaining clarity of what help you need and sometimes we need someone to listen in a way that works for us for us to gain that clarity. Which is why learning to listen to yourself and others with the purpose of getting to know their patterns and yours means you can consciously choose who to talk to and when.
At Step by step listening we not only listen and hold that space so that you can gain clarity of what you want and the confidence to make it happen, we also help you become consciously aware of what kind of listening is working for you and why. We also invite you to be curious about what resource and support you need and create the conditions for you to practice advocating for your needs. The great thing about peer learning is that it provides peer support without peer pressure and you can experiment and get feedback without it impacting those you work and live with. t
Know what you want
Why you want it
Who you want it for
Know what works for you
Trust your own process
Change the narrative
Give yourself effective feedback
Be willing and able to ask for it
Time and space to practice new skills and behaviours
Change can be messy, chaotic and disruptive. Even when it is change we want , but more so when it is change that is imposed on us.
For many change means letting go of the old and the familiar to make space for the new and this for some can evoke emotions often associated with grief.
Then there is the way we humans behave when we are not getting our needs met. Many of us will often get into drama meaning we get into conflict with ourselves and those we work and live with. This can create quite the bind for those that dislike conflict.
Then there is the fact that the human brain both loves and hates change and can become conflicted with how much change is enough change. Too much change and some experience overwhelm whereas others thrive on the thrill of the unknown and consider this phase an adventure. Too little change can for some evoke frustration and a sense of feeling stuck or bored whereas for others this represents stability, security and they like the comfort of the familiar. And what worked yesterday can change.
Given change is the one thing we can guarantee as part of our human existences and we all have needs, we believe it makes sense to get to know what those needs are so that we can communicate them with clarity and confidence.
At Step by Step Listening we create a safe to speak space so that you can slow down your thinking and reconnect with yourself. For some a one off session is enough to gain clarity of what they want and for others it takes time to re-learn how to listen to themselves, to develop new skills, practice new behaviours and build a network of support.
Our founder Sheryl found herself in the very same situation in 2012. Having supported thousands of other people she found herself stuck, alone and feeling isolated despite being surrounded by people that cared for her. She had forgotten to take the time to really listen to and get to know herself. Her whole identity had become associated with helping others and her attention was so other focused she rarely knew what she wanted. Whilst she knew things had to change, she also feared that asking for help would change how others related to her. So she wore a mask pretending to be okay when inside she felt like she was dying.
Then one day her husband said. “What would you tell your clients to do?” That was when she realised that her clients had asked her for help and they now had the clarity and confidence to ask for help from their family and friends because they knew what worked and what didn’t.
That day she got her team to take her through the process. Then as she became familiar with what she needed she started to have conversations with her friends and family. It took time and practice but with support asking for help got easier.
At Step by Step Listening we know how hard it can be to reach out and ask for help, especially when you don’t really know what the problem is. Or you suspect you are the problem so assume you have to fix and should be able to do it for yourself by yourself.
You can spend hours talking or thinking about the same thing going around in circles feeling like you are stuck in a hamster wheel or on a treadmill with no way of hitting the pause button. Sometimes you know what you want but it takes courage to even think it, let alone say it out loud to yourself or anyone else.
That is when having someone to talk to that is outside of your work and home life, can provide you with the space and time to be present and really listen to what you think and feel. Having someone present can also settle your state, reduce stress chemicals and improve cognitive ability. Enabling you to hear the wisdom that perhaps you have not yet been able to access alone or with people that will be impacted by your thoughts.
And if you have paid for help before and it has not worked we get that you might be fearful of wasting your money, which is why we offer you two choices. You can book and pay for one hour introductory session referred to by our clients as a power hour.
In just 60 minutes you can expect to gain:
- Clarity of what you want
- Confidence in your next step
- And understanding of what kind of support you need to manage the change
And if you are not entirely happy with the outcome we will give you a full refund. We get that Clean Language and our style is not right for everyone and yet we are still committed to making asking for help easier for you. So with your permission we can ask you some questions so that you understand why it didn’t work for you and what might work better. And you never know we might know someone that can offer that kind of listening/support/help.
Alternatively, book a free 20 minute chemistry call and let’s get to know each other first.
Not ready to talk, but know something has to change then sign up for our free Success without Stress updates.
The choice is yours and of course you can do all three.
Given all that, what would you like to have happen?
Sheryl Andrews - Founder
A mother of a blended family of 5 and having held management roles for over 30 plus years she was no stranger to motivating and managing expectations of others. In fact she still thrives on making things happen. She loves nothing more than creating the conditions for change to happen. She has this ability to really listen then either adapt her behaviour to support you in just the right way, or introduce you to someone that she knows.
Sheryl is a keen networker who loves getting to know what kind of support is available, so that she can recommend others, when she is not a good fit.
In 2012 she found herself stuck and unable to ask for help for herself and her own daughter. As she lay in a heap on the floor sobbing, her husband asked “What would you tell your clients to do?”
She said she would get someone that could ask her questions to gain clarity of what she wanted and the confidence to make it happen. That day she started to attend her own programmes as a client. That started the process of her developing her very own peer support network where she could lean on and ask for help when she was at her best but also when she was at her worst.
Today she is supported by an amazing team that keep her sane and a loving group of friends and a thriving network of entrepreneurs. However that was not how she felt in 2012. She felt alone and isolated and like giving up on living all together. It all felt too hard and yet she knew she could not give up.
Today her mission is to change the way the world listens by raising awareness of all the different kinds of listening we need to manage change. Ensuring no one has to shed tears in private unaware that this kind of support even exists.