When we know we need help but find it hard to ask for it, it can leave us feeling alone and isolated even when we are surrounded by people that want to help. If we ask for help and we get exactly we asked for and it doesn’t help we can become frustrated and overwhelmed.
In this article I share the importance of really listening to yourself and understanding what you mean by what you say but also the importance of being playful. Sometimes we cannot know what works and what doesn’t until we experience it in the moment. Learning to set yourself a personal development task and giving yourself feedback can help you track patterns and make sense of your own process.
In the video below my client Shirin was focused on her dream and worked with me to plan various tours and album releases. This video is just before her Asia tour in the summer of 2014. Like all business owners she knew she had to keep herself motivated and like many businesses the music industry can be an emotional rollercoaster. With this in mind she had asked family and her partner now husband Mitch to check that she was on track, but soon found that when they asked her questions, instead of it being motivational she felt guilty.
During her clarity session we explored what was happening and experimented with different ways her family could hold her accountable.
Say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t be mean when you say it.
Sometimes we say what we want but it is only when we hear it repeated back that we get a sense of the impact it will have on us. And of course there is a difference to being asked a question when we are calm and happy versus when we are stressed. Add into the equation that certain questions, tone or phrases may trigger an emotional response it is a good idea to learn how to set yourself and your supporters up for success.
It was quite common for my slimming world clients to ask partners to stop them if they saw them eating chocolate or a biscuit but few clarified how they would like to be stopped. Turns out when one husband grabbed the biscuit from her hand it triggered rage. She lost her temper and he felt angry because all he was doing was what he had been asked.
It is all too easy to say things like “I want you to nag me”, or “I want you to keep me on track” without really considering the impact that will have on you and them.
Gaining clarity of what you want and having confidence in yourself is a great starting place. Then taking time to consider what kind of resource and support you need and working with those around from a place of curiosity until you establish what works. And of course what worked yesterday may not work today, so it is worth keeping a track of what works, what doesn’t and what could work better.
Knowing yourself well, helps and having space and time to practice different responses means you are less likely to become frustrated with yourself and others.
In this video Shirin shares how changing one question changed the impact and during a really stressful time kept her on track and motivated.
Take a moment now to consider what kind of resource or support do you need right now?
What would you hear and see when you had that kind of support?
Then what happens?
The more you know what you mean by what you say, the more likely you are to get what you need.
If you are struggling to work out what you want or need then Do, Delegate or Ditch Academy is a safe space to explore what works and what doesn’t and get feedback from your peers.
You can find out more about “Do. Delegate or Ditch Academy” here.