If you are struggling to delegate, ask for help and or just motivate yourself the answers are usually within you. Sometimes we need questions to guide our attention and other times we need someone to listen and reflect back what we say or give us feedback. Understanding what works for you means you can set yourself and your listener up for success.

For lots of reasons I had lost motivation and momentum to write blogs. I was busy writing social media posts, newsletters and producing videos but blog articles were getting left behind. So I recruited the help of blog writer Joanne Parker of JP Writing Services to work alongside me to get me back into the habit of writing.

Below Joanne talks about her experience of working with me and the impact of having a really helpful and honest conversation up front about what works best for us when things are not working. By having a conversation with Joanne at the start of the partnership we were able to explore what we both needed when things were not working and how we best received feedback. No matter how awesome someone is, it is likely over time that our patterns will annoy them some of the time. Now for some that might mean conflict but for those that don’t like conflict it can mean that they just stop working with you.

By sharing with Joanne my patterns and asking about what works for her and what doesn’t we have developed a working partnership that really works.

That has resulted in Joanne and I being committed to the outcome of one blog per month being published in 2022 and ‘how’ Joanne supported me evolved and changed. Sometimes she starts the articles and I finish them. Sometimes I write them and she proof reads them. And sometimes I just write and I don’t get them checked (so don’t blame any typos or grammar on Joanne, that will be all me)

And the great news is that the goal of publishing blogs more consistently has been achieved and we are almost always managing one per month. But one thing is for sure without her support I would let them slide.

Massive thank you Joanne for being willing to ask and be asked questions, that set up us for success without the stress. And for being able to listen as i expressed what didn’t work for me.

Below is Joanne’s account of what happened.

Keeping it clean

The key to a successful client relationship lies in clear and open communication, something I (Joanne) would like to think I have with all my clients. However, working with Sheryl has opened my eyes to a whole new way of having briefing and feedback sessions that can transform the experience for both parties. And the experience was both challenging and rewarding, and I am keen to learn from and embrace it.

Sheryl, who is also known as The Listening Detective, is a coach who uses Clean Language techniques and Active Listening to get to the heart of her clients’ problems and help them take action to overcome them.

For more information about Clean Language check out this article ‘What is Clean Language?

Having a clear brief

Working with a new client is always a mix of excitement and trepidation. You have the thrill of being able to help someone achieve their goals and the nervousness of awaiting their feedback on what you have provided. Like most people, I want to be liked, and it is important to me to do an excellent job for all my clients, both for my professional pride and personal satisfaction.

As a copywriter, my task is to produce something that sounds like the client has written it. This could be a blog, some content for their website, or a piece of editorial. To make the piece sound authentic, I need to get to know the client’s brand and writing style. This usually involves me having a fairly in-depth conversation with them, in which I ask a multitude of questions. I also look at their style of writing, their use of language and their tone of voice.

Before I start a job, I like to take a brief from the client to establish what they want to achieve and agree on the ‘rules of engagement.’ I usually follow up a conversation with a written summary of what we have discussed, which sets out what I will be doing for the client, any timescale, and cost. The client then agrees to the brief and pays a deposit.

So far, so good. In the majority of cases, that approach has worked well, and I am pleased to say, the work has been completed to the satisfaction of both parties. However, it is what happens in the minority of other cases where problems can occur.

The difficult conversations

When you present someone with a piece of writing, the feedback can take many forms. They may like the content but not the style, like the style but not the tone, dislike the vocabulary but love the approach and so on. None of the above is a problem if the client can articulate their preferences. The problem is more challenging if you are simply faced with ‘I don’t like it’ but no suggestion as to what the alternative would be.

When I write a piece of copy, the price always includes two rounds of revisions. This allows me to gain feedback and then tweak the first draft. The third round is either unnecessary or gives me a chance for further refinements.

However, if a client is simply unhappy with what they have received but cannot guide me as to what they would like to be changed, the result can be unsatisfactory for both parties.

So, how do you avoid those difficult conversations or help the client tease out what they don’t like?

Setting boundaries and expectations

What I learned working with Sheryl Andrews was how to take the initial briefing session to another level. We not only discussed what Sheryl was looking for from me, but she also helped me to understand how she works and her quirks. She left me in no doubt as to what I could expect from working with her and how it might feel. This was very new. It was more honest than I had known any other person be with me and helped prepare me for what working together would entail.

Sheryl then invited me to describe to her how I wanted to work, how I wanted to be treated, and how I wanted to receive feedback.

She used questions such as “receiving feedback helpfully would be like what?”

“What would you like to have happen?”

“If that happened, what would the impact be?

I had never felt so appreciated or valued as a supplier! Here was someone who genuinely cared about my experience as well as her own. It was eye-opening.

So how did it go?

Really well. Sheryl was happy with the quick turnaround on the work, and she gave me positive feedback on the blogs. I was pleased with how I had been treated and thrilled that she was happy with the service. However, that is not the whole story, as I found out when we had a feedback session a few weeks later.

Digging a little deeper into the feedback

It would have been very easy to leave things at that until the next time Sheryl wanted help with a blog. Instead, we decided that it would be a good idea to have a conversation and discuss how things had gone. What had worked and what could have worked better about how we had worked together?

Once again, we were able to have an open and candid conversation.

This is when I found out the experience hadn’t been totally painless for Sheryl. There had been two parts to the original brief and whilst Sheryl had praised me for my part there were some parts that didn’t work for her

Sheryl had asked me to review a blog that she had written and make any minor alterations to tidy up the grammar and the second part was for me to write a blog for her based on a chapter from her book which she had provided.

When Sheryl sent me the blog she wanted me to review via email, she inadvertently sent me the wrong document. She didn’t realise the error until I had checked and sent back the blog.

For me, it wasn’t a big deal, and I expected her to send the correct version of the document she wanted me to review. However, Sheryl sent me an email saying she would take responsibility for her mistake and wanted to value my time. With this in mind Sheryl chose not to send me the correct document. I took this at face value and didn’t think anything more about it.

In our feedback session, Sheryl explained how this had played out for her. She had felt frustrated with herself for making the mistake and wasting my time. She didn’t want me to have to pay for her mistake whilst also admitting that what she had hoped would happen was that I would rescue her, read between the lines and or read her mind and just offer to to do it.

We had a good laugh about this misunderstanding, and I quickly offered to review the article without any problem and Sheryl acknowledged that she needed to be aware that I would believe what she told me to be true therefore she needed to be really honest and ask for what she needed.

It just goes to show how we each make up our version of events. I had dismissed the error as inconsequential, and Sheryl was left feeling a bit miffed. Sheryl was not only wanting to value my time but also worried about having to pay more, so kept quiet.

Because Sheryl once again adopted the Clean Language approach, we were both able to express what we would  liked to have had happen in the various scenarios and set out clear expectations for going forward.

It is all in the questions

As someone who makes a living from using words, I am fascinated by my introduction to Clean Language and what it can do to improve the conversations I have with clients. Whilst I am by no means an expert in the questioning techniques it embodies, I can certainly use my experience to inform the conversations I am having and make sure I am engaging in active listening. That should help all my clients to express their likes and dislikes more easily and enhance the service I provide.

Massive thanks to Joanne for writing this article and I would like to add: knowing what you want is one thing but asking for it can be another. Even with all my years of experience helping others to communicate what they want with clarity and confidence I still find it hard when someone has taken time to work on something for me and I am not happy with it. Sometimes that is because I don’t know why I don’t like it and then I get frustrated and other times it is just because I don’t want to upset them. Knowing they can listen, ask questions and help me unravel what is not working is vital for me. Otherwise I repeat an old pattern of ‘dropping’ hints and hoping they will guess that I am not happy even though my words and tone will often be very convincing that I am really okay with everything.

If you are struggle to ask for help and would like to develop the skills to Do, Delegate or Ditch with confidence please do get in touch.